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“Your follicles look healthy and big; no wonder you feel swollen. What about your mood?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I’m not a sad person, but yesterday, I was really sad. I don’t even know how to explain it,” I replied. She laughed (Day 6 of Ovarian hyperstimulation)
As I am writing these lines, I’m the closest I’ve ever been to creating a life.
In terms of medical procedure, I undergo a procedure that is completely identical to the process of fertility and eggs improvement. The main difference is the ultimate goal, and accordingly, my journey is different from other women who want to get pregnant.
As I sat in the clinic, waiting for my turn, there were many women around me; each one has a story, and there’s my story.
In terms of medical procedure, I undergo a procedure that is completely identical to the process of fertility and eggs improvement. The main difference is the ultimate goal, and accordingly, my journey is different from other women who want to get pregnant.
As I sat in the clinic, waiting for my turn, there were many women around me; each one has a story, and there’s my story.
I decide to write my story to give people a glimpse into an unfamiliar world.
I want to give you the opportunity to experience this process with me, and not when it is a vague memory of hormones and swelling in which I put few eggs in the refrigerator.
I want to give you the opportunity to experience this process with me, and not when it is a vague memory of hormones and swelling in which I put few eggs in the refrigerator.
* * *
A year ago
No, I didn’t get up in the morning and decided to freeze my eggs. It was a process, mainly mental.
If I look back, the issue of freezing eggs was not strange to me.
Since my mother told me that she was a BRCA1 gene carrier, the doctors saw fit to tell me that if I was a carrier myself, it would be preferable to remove everything and freeze my eggs. I was 29, and since then that thought never left me. It has become a cognitive conditioning: “If you have the gene, you need to freeze your eggs.”
Years passed, I refused to get tested until a year ago.
The results were negative, but that thought of frozen eggs was still there.
To be honest, I don’t know if I want to be a mother. Unlike many women, whether single or not, they know or knew that’s what they want (wanted) to be.
“Why are you freezing eggs if you don’t want kids?” I have been asked countless times over the past few weeks.
Because I can.
* * *
“You seem ready for a baby. Obviously, you’re ready. You don’t want one?”
“It’s time, Hagar. Look at you; you’re really good with children.”
“It’s time, Hagar. Look at you; you’re really good with children.”
This is the tip of the iceberg for what I was told during my last visit to Israel every time I played with a child or held one.
Jess Anne Kirby (lifestyle blogger that I like), referred to these questions as “The Kids Questions” in her inspiring blog post regarding this subject.
Frankly, I want a Louis Vuitton bag a lot more.
A child is not an accessory that you buy online, and if I don’t feel like it, I return it and get a refund or credit.
If I’m been totally honest (and I am), I don’t want to be asked about my child plans.
However, if you decide to ask, then you should be ready to hear my truth.
It’s no secret that from where I come from, the Israeli society, Israeli culture and the Jewish heritage, we are encouraged to multiply without recognition.
It’s okay, as we’re not the only ones. The pressure to reproduce exists no matter where you are. The question is, can you decide for yourself what is right for you without succumbing to this pressure?
* * *
Have you ever considered the possibility that not everyone wants to be a parent even if they can?
Have you ever thought of me or any other woman without children and considered that perhaps our purpose is to do good without being a mother?
A few weeks ago, Shiran (a friend and full partner in my process) sent me an interview with Jennifer Aniston for INSTYLE magazine. During the interview, she was often asked about the attitude towards her as a woman in Hollywood, gossip, relationships, and about not being a mother. She gave an answer that caught my attention more than anything:
“There is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they are not, then they’re deemed damaged goods. Maybe my purpose on this planet is not to procreate. Maybe I have other things I’m supposed to do?”
When I imagine myself a few years from now, I see a gorgeous house in Atlanta with a perfect kitchen where I bake. I’m sharing a plate of cheese with a sexy man , and drinking a glass of wine. I’m writing a book and a column for a prestigious magazine. I’m being active in philanthropy, making contribution to the community. I’m producing events on an international scale, sitting alongside many women like Jennifer Aniston and Oprah Winfrey who produce the fruit of their birth, which isn’t necessarily children.
* * *
Ten days of injections (Ovarian hyperstimulation)
(Day 1) – I stare at the syringe with a tiny needle and don’t understand what I’m doing.
(Day 3) – I inject myself with three syringes every night. I have bruised myself. I’m in pain
(Day 5) – I went to a friend’s birthday party. I’m swollen and every garment feels like weight on my body.
(Day 7) – I inject myself and talk on the phone. Easy.
I don’t think there was one day in the past week I got a syringe in my stomach that I didn’t ask myself and my friends why I was doing it. Wow, unreal.
I’ll start by not being able to understand how people stab themselves (with a syringe) on a daily basis, whether it’s for the purpose of health (diabetes) or for another purpose (drugs). Our brain isn’t built for it. Harm ourselves. It takes me half an hour to inject myself.
I’ll continue with taking off my (imaginary) hat for every woman who went through this for whatever purpose. You are all heroes. I’m not saying that because I’m going through it now myself; I say it because it’s just a nightmare.
90% of the time, I want to kill everyone; 90% of the time, I want to sleep; 50% of the time, I’m not hungry; 50% of the time, I want to eat the whole snack area in the supermarket; 100% of the time, I don’t want to be touched; 100% of the time , I want someone to hug me.
* * *
Retrieval – the day later
“Hagar, Hagar,” I heard my name from a distance.
“You can wake up. We’re done,” the nurse said.
I opened my eyes, not quite sure where I am. Oh, wait a minute. I’m in a hospital robe.
There is a warm feeling above my belly. I put my hand up and have a warm pad.
“You can take it home with you; it will help relieve the pain.”
“What pain are you talking about? I’m flying,” I replied.
I didn’t have pain on the day of retrieval (I’m guessing it was the drugs they gave me).
A day later was a different story; Womb pain is a pain that no one prepares you for, not in childbirth (hearing evidence), not in retrieval (fact), and not in any form. There is no way to explain it. There is no way to prepare for it; you just have to go through it.
A day later was a different story; Womb pain is a pain that no one prepares you for, not in childbirth (hearing evidence), not in retrieval (fact), and not in any form. There is no way to explain it. There is no way to prepare for it; you just have to go through it.
Maybe these are the hormones writing, but every time I feel the holes in my ovaries heal, I feel mystical closeness to every woman in the world.
* * *
Epilogue
I don’t know what will happen tomorrow; neither do you. I can meet someone tomorrow and decide that I want to be a mother. I can accomplish everything I wrote and decide that I want to be a single mother. I can also adopt, and I can decide not to have kids. It is definitely my decision and not anyone else’s.
I do know that the decision to freeze my eggs is the best decision I made for myself.
I am not writing this so that someone else will feel “obligated” to do so.
I am not writing this so that someone else will feel “obligated” to do so.
We don’t have to do something we don’t want to do; And if you read my story and feel that you want to do something that isn’t normal or popular, know that you are not alone, and there are lots of women like you.
Yours, Hagar.
--
I would like to thank ACRM team and David Shileds team for their professional care and dedication during my journey.
- 28-07-2018, 07:16
- Funk | Rock | FLAC / APE | CD-Rip
Artist: Mother's Finest
Title: The Very Best Of
Year Of Release: 1990
Label: Epic
Genre: Hard Rock, Funk
Quality: FLAC (tracks+.cue,log,scans)
Total Time: 01:12:42
Total Size: 516 Mb
WebSite: Album Preview
Tracklist:Title: The Very Best Of
Year Of Release: 1990
Label: Epic
Genre: Hard Rock, Funk
Quality: FLAC (tracks+.cue,log,scans)
Total Time: 01:12:42
Total Size: 516 Mb
WebSite: Album Preview
01. Fire (4:08)
02. Dis Go Dis Way, Dis Go Dat Way (4:13)
03. Baby Love (4:22)
04. Secret Service (4:15)
05. Big Shot Romeo (3:38)
06. What Kind Of Fool (3:40)
07. Love Me Too (3:58)
08. Can't Fight The Feeling (3:59)
09. Give You All The Love (Inside Of Me) (7:58)
10. Evolution (3:48)
11. Piece Of The Rock (3:25)
12. Time (4:13)
13. Don't Wanna Come Back (4:15)
14. Thank You For The Love (5:02)
15. Some Kind Of Madness (3:30)
16. Watch My Stylin' (3:57)
17. Movin' On (4:21)
American funk rock band Mother's Finest might appear to be only a blip on the radar screen of rock history, but not to any of the headlining bands they've stolen shows from -- or any of the audiences who saw it happen. Following in the footsteps of the racially-mixed Sly & the Family Stone, Mother's Finest blended white guitarist Moses Mo and drummer B.B. 'Queen' Borden with black vocalists Joyce Kennedy and Glenn Murdock, bassist Wyzard, and keyboardist Mike, for its 1976 self-titled debut album. Tracks like 'Rain' and the slightly controversial 'Niggazz Can't Sing Rock & Roll' made enough of a ripple to get the band out of Georgia clubs and into regional touring. The follow-up album Another Mother Further lived up to its title. The opening track was a cover of the Holland-Dozier-Holland songwriting team's 'Mickey's Monkey,' made popular by Smokey Robinson. But the guitar riff was a blatant copy of Jimmy Page's from the Led Zeppelin song 'Custard Pie,' released two years earlier. Perhaps because the song was a cover, or the fact that they stole from blues legends early in their career, Led Zeppelin never sued and the track (along with others like 'Piece of the Rock' and 'Hard Rock Lover') helped make Another Mother Further the group's springboard.
For the remainder of the 1970s, Mother's Finest became the most dangerous opening act in rock, blowing away headliners like Aerosmith, Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush, and Ted Nugent. A subpar third album, 1978's Mother Factor, took nothing away from the band's live performances, as vocalists Murdock -- and particularly the powerful Kennedy -- enthralled audiences over the funk rock backline of Mo, Wizzard, Borden, and Mike. The 1979 album Mother's Finest Live featured not only original staples like 'Watch My Stylin' and 'Give You All the Love,' but also Kennedy singing a stunning cover of Jefferson Airplane's 'Somebody to Love' and the musicians shining on a rearranged version of Steppenwolf's 'Magic Carpet Ride.' It would prove a last hurrah, for Mother's Finest didn't translate well into the 1980s and never achieved its due in the largely-white world of rock. Mo, Mike, and Borden would leave the band, the latter to go polar-opposite by joining Southern rockers Molly Hatchet, but Kennedy, Murdock and Wyzard fought on. After dabbling in dance music with several different lineups in the 1980s, the trio formed an all-African-American band in the early '90s by recruiting guitarist John Hayes and drummer Dion Derek. The angry, rocking result was the 1992 CD Black Radio Won't Play This Record, which proved prophetic despite being the band's best since its 1979 live album (yet white radio wouldn't play it either). It's now in the cut-out bins; ignored or forgotten -- much like Mother's Finest -- by all except a select few. Still active, the group's latest CD is called Not Yer Mother's Funk -- The Very Best of Mother's Finest, and features mostly material from the first two albums.
For the remainder of the 1970s, Mother's Finest became the most dangerous opening act in rock, blowing away headliners like Aerosmith, Frank Marino & Mahogany Rush, and Ted Nugent. A subpar third album, 1978's Mother Factor, took nothing away from the band's live performances, as vocalists Murdock -- and particularly the powerful Kennedy -- enthralled audiences over the funk rock backline of Mo, Wizzard, Borden, and Mike. The 1979 album Mother's Finest Live featured not only original staples like 'Watch My Stylin' and 'Give You All the Love,' but also Kennedy singing a stunning cover of Jefferson Airplane's 'Somebody to Love' and the musicians shining on a rearranged version of Steppenwolf's 'Magic Carpet Ride.' It would prove a last hurrah, for Mother's Finest didn't translate well into the 1980s and never achieved its due in the largely-white world of rock. Mo, Mike, and Borden would leave the band, the latter to go polar-opposite by joining Southern rockers Molly Hatchet, but Kennedy, Murdock and Wyzard fought on. After dabbling in dance music with several different lineups in the 1980s, the trio formed an all-African-American band in the early '90s by recruiting guitarist John Hayes and drummer Dion Derek. The angry, rocking result was the 1992 CD Black Radio Won't Play This Record, which proved prophetic despite being the band's best since its 1979 live album (yet white radio wouldn't play it either). It's now in the cut-out bins; ignored or forgotten -- much like Mother's Finest -- by all except a select few. Still active, the group's latest CD is called Not Yer Mother's Funk -- The Very Best of Mother's Finest, and features mostly material from the first two albums.
DOWNLOAD FROM ISRA.CLOUD
090MFinest2807.rar (516.24 MB)
090MFinest2807.rar (516.24 MB)